Fix https://github.com/matrix-org/synapse/issues/13856
Fix https://github.com/matrix-org/synapse/issues/13865
> Discovered while trying to make Synapse fast enough for [this MSC2716 test for importing many batches](https://github.com/matrix-org/complement/pull/214#discussion_r741678240). As an example, disabling the `have_seen_event` cache saves 10 seconds for each `/messages` request in that MSC2716 Complement test because we're not making as many federation requests for `/state` (speeding up `have_seen_event` itself is related to https://github.com/matrix-org/synapse/issues/13625)
>
> But this will also make `/messages` faster in general so we can include it in the [faster `/messages` milestone](https://github.com/matrix-org/synapse/milestone/11).
>
> *-- https://github.com/matrix-org/synapse/issues/13856*
### The problem
`_invalidate_caches_for_event` doesn't run in monolith mode which means we never even tried to clear the `have_seen_event` and other caches. And even in worker mode, it only runs on the workers, not the master (AFAICT).
Additionally there was bug with the key being wrong so `_invalidate_caches_for_event` never invalidates the `have_seen_event` cache even when it does run.
Because we were using the `@cachedList` wrong, it was putting items in the cache under keys like `((room_id, event_id),)` with a `set` in a `set` (ex. `(('!TnCIJPKzdQdUlIyXdQ:test', '$Iu0eqEBN7qcyF1S9B3oNB3I91v2o5YOgRNPwi_78s-k'),)`) and we we're trying to invalidate with just `(room_id, event_id)` which did nothing.
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